It's Always in the Eye's
by BrucasEqlsluv
Summary: ,"Brooke Davis... I hate her because she still has a part of me. I love her because I don't know how to stop." BRUCAS, with hints of Leyton. All from Lucas's POV. BL ONESHOT


**OK so today I read the fic 'Peace' by . Cinnamon (Great fic BTW) and it inspired me to write this.... It's all based on the show except there are no complications with the pregnancy. I hope you all enjoy :)**

**And the song lyrics in it are 'Fallen' by Sarah McLachlan**

**

* * *

  
**

**It's Always in the Eye's**

She's breaking.

I can see it in her eyes, those hazel orbs that reveal much more than she would ever want me to know.

I wonder if she knows.

Does she know how much they betray her?

**Heaven bent to take my hand**

**And lead me through the fire**

**Be the long awaited answer**

**To a long and painful fight**

From the day I met Brooke Davis it has always been her eyes that have given away so much

"_It's just that, you're the first great guy I've dated and that really scares me because I never gave a rat's ass before. Ok, but I do now."_ Had she known then that I could see how vulnerable she was? That in that second her eyes had shown me a glimpse of the real girl hiding underneath all the walls and barriers she put up?

**Truth be told I've tried my best**

**But somewhere along the way**

**I got caught up in all there was to offer**

**And the cost was so much more than I could bear**

"_It's OK that you're into Peyton. I've been avoiding it the whole trip, but I found the things in your closet; and its fine."_ Did she know that I could see right through her? That I knew right then she would never be OK with me being with Peyton?

**Though I've tried, I've fallen...**

"_So who do you want standing next to you? Go. It's OK, GO"_ I may not have realised it then, I was too wrapped up in winning the championship or telling Peyton I wanted to be with her, but later, when I replayed it in my head, I could see them. Her eyes. She had told me to go to Peyton but it wasn't until days later that I realised her eyes were begging me to stay. It wasn't until years later that I realised this was my last chance, this would have been my last chance to win back Brooke Davis. Did she know how many nights I spent dreaming of the look she gave me in that moment? How many nights I spent tossing and turning and wondering how different it would have been if I had stayed?

**I have sunk so low**

"_It won't matter where we are, as long as we are together."_ There's not a day goes by that I don't regret those words. They were cruel because I saw her eyes. Does she know that I saw what she was thinking? Does she know I saw the sadness in them when I uttered the words she had always wanted to hear? We had both been laughing and joking, but mine was cruel joke, disgusting really, because I was laughing at everything she ever wanted.

**I have messed up**

**Better I should know**

"_Why won't you ever let me all the way in?"_

"_I wanted you to fight for me"_

"_I need you to need me back"_

**So don't come round here**

**And tell me I told you so...**

Does she know her words haunt me everyday?

Does she know I see the look of betrayal in her eyes whenever I close my own?

Does she know that even after all these years I would do anything for her?

"_Anything for you"_

**We all begin with good intent**

**Love was raw and young**

**We believed that we could change ourselves**

No, I don't think she does. Some days I wish she would see it, some days I know how much harder it would be for the both of us if she did. Truth. Why is it so hard? Why can't it all be let out in the open? But sometimes the truth hurts, sometimes lies are better.

Peyton will never know Brooke wore the ring first.

Brooke will never know how often I think about what could have been.

I will never know if I made the right choice.

**The past could be undone**

Lies are easy.

I once told her I was the guy for her but that was a lie, I'm not the guy for her even though I spent so long wishing I was. The guy for her would be strong and brave, the guy for her would look after her always, the guy for her would deserve her. I am not that guy.

I am the guy for Peyton. Not because I am all these things for her but because that's simply how Peyton sees me. For some strange, innate reason she sees me as some form of angel, she forgives me for pretty much anything.

I love Peyton, I do and maybe it is true love that she can see past all my flaws to the good inside of me. But then again I love the way Brooke sees me, or use to see me, because when she looks at me she sees me and there's no other way to describe it, she sees who I am, she sees the flaws, she scolds me for them, she forgives me for them, she once loved me for them but she sees them because she sees me.

**But we carry on our backs the burden**

**Time always reveals**

**The lonely light of morning**

**The wound that would not heal**

I may not be the guy for Brooke Davis.

I may be the guy for Peyton Sawyer.

But Brooke Davis is the girl for me.

And it's too late

I know that

I love Peyton

**It's the bitter taste of losing everything**

**That I have held so dear.**

Brooke Davis...

I hate her because she still has a part of me

I love her because I don't know how to stop.

**I've fallen...**

**I have sunk so low**

Brooke Davis is going to change the world someday, Brooke Davis changed my world

Brooke Davis deserves to be happy because...

I betrayed her, I turned my back on her, I destroyed her.

And now she's breaking and it's all my fault.

**I have messed up**

**Better I should know**

Peyton wanted to be the one to ask her but I wouldn't let her, after all these years I owed her that much. I owed it to Brooke to look her in the eyes and hurt her again, because that's what I did, that's what I always seemed to do, I hurt her. I had been too much of a coward to tell her about the wedding, I couldn't even face her to tell her about the baby and although it had already been implied, all I could do was ask her to be maid of honour, ask her to sit and watch front and center as Peyton was handed the life that was supposed to be hers.

Tell her that it would mean so much to both of us.

**So don't come round here**

**And tell me I told you so...**

I wait, we are alone in her house and all is silent now so I wait.

When she does speak her voice is like ice and it cuts my heart shredding it to pieces once again.

"Why are you asking me this?" The question is simple and her eyes are begging for an honest answer, yearning for me to, for once, be honest with her.

**Heaven bent to take my hand**

"It would mean so much to Peyton and I. Brooke, you have been such a great friend to both of us" She laughs bitterly when she realises that I am going to be feeding her the same generic line and I can see that she hadn't really been expecting anything better. It stings that her trust and faith in me has been completely shattered but after all it is my fault so I sigh and bear it.

**Nowhere left to turn**

Haley sometimes asks why we never really see each other anymore, and if she was here she would see why, or maybe she wouldn't. Maybe I was the only one who could see the pain in Brooke's eyes, maybe she was the only one who could see it in mine. Either way it was there, it was raw and it was bad enough that we needed to keep away for fear that it would eventually chase one of us off a cliff, the only question was, which one?

**I'm lost to those I thought were friends**

**To everyone I know**

She peered up at me once again and this time something else flashed in her eyes....defiance?

"Lucas" Her voice was low now, quiet "I'm leaving" for a moment I could have sworn my heart stopped "I won't be here for the wedding, Julian's going back to LA and Sam and I are going with him, Peyton will understand" NO, she won't, I know she won't because Peyton never really understood, no one did.

**Oh they turned their heads embarrassed**

**Pretend that they don't see**

"Brooke, Tree Hill is you home" Her eyes focused on me again with such force I felt as if they could burn right into my soul

"Tree Hill stopped being my home a long time ago"

"But I- You can't-" I stumble over my words never really knowing what to say, my mind draws blanks until it comes up with the one coherent sentence I can muster "Please don't go"

**But it's one missed step**

She's shocked, I can tell, this was not what she was expecting and that shocks me. Had she expected me to just hug her goodbye and be done with it?

"I'm going Lucas, there's nothing else left for me here"

"There's me" I don't know why I said it, it's stupid and strange but my mind has gone numb, the thought of her leaving with _him_ hurts me more than I'd like to admit.

**You'll slip before you know it**

She chuckles dryly "I don't have you anymore Lucas, I stopped having you a long time ago" I can see that tears threaten to fall out of her eyes and I too am close to tears, this is the most honest we have been in so long and it rips away at both our hearts

"You'll always have me Brooke"

"Sure" There's no emotion in her voice anymore "Listen, I'm exhausted I will speak to you tomorrow"

**And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed**

I know she has no intention of speaking to me tomorrow or any other day for that matter, I know that there is a good chance that if I let her walk away now I will never see her again. She stands up and so do I "Goodbye Luke" She smiles weakly at me and turns to go but I grab her and turn her to face me

**Though I've tried, I've fallen...**

"Brooke" I growl and she flinches at my tone, tears are flowing freely from both of our eye's now but neither one of us bother to wipe them away "She's pregnant, what the hell am I supposed to do?" I try my best not to but this comes out as a yell, she knows what I'm asking.

**I have sunk so low**

What would she have me do?

Peyton is pregnant, I can't leave her. I love Brooke.

What the hell am I supposed to do?

**I have messed up**

"Go back to her"

"But-"

"No Lucas, you made your choice five years ago, your just scared" She's not wrong, I am scared but not of what she thinks. I'm not scared of having this baby I know I'm going to love it unconditionally, more than life itself, what truly scares me is what having this baby means

**Better I should know**

"No Brooke, I'm terrified" I don't think she quite understands what I'm saying and I reach a hand down to cup her face "I'm terrified of losing you" I take a step closer to her, bending down a little to lean my forehead against hers

**So don't come round here**

"Lucas you can't-"

"I know" Is all I can whisper "I know" I close my eyes and she does too, her hands rest on my chest and her breath is shaky as I rake one hand through her hair. This doesn't change anything, I know that. She still doesn't know the truth, Peyton is still pregnant and She is still leaving... But for one moment hope burns through me and I can once again feel what it's like to hold Brooke Davis. I can once again imagine how my life should have been. I never want to let go and I know how wrong that sounds, I have a fiancé and a baby on the way but holding her felt so right and for moment I truly believe that this was what I was put on the earth to do. Love Brooke Davis. And if that's true then I am sure as hell fulfilling my duty because not a day has gone by in five and a half years that I have not loved her. On instinct I need her to know this, she needs to know that she was and always will be a huge part of my life, regardless of whether she was in it or not. I hold her just that little bit tighter and let my words fall quietly upon her ears.

"I will always love you Pretty Girl"

Eye's still closed, breath still shaky; she whispers words that I'm sure will haunt me till the day I die.

"I know Luke, but love was never our problem"

**And tell me I told you so...**

**THE END**


End file.
